Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
