I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
