your parents love me but you hate me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
