You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
