never play flip cup with pint glasses
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And then he peed in my hair
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