i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
