Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
