thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
