Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
