Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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