I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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