sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize