So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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