I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
