He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
