my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
