Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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