So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
