It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
