They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
