so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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