come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
