Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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