this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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