Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I touched a dick in church today
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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