Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
