I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize