Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize