I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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