By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
