i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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