i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
