WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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