Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
