I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
