if only i could text you this smell
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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