so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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