haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
