I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize