Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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