there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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