woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
