Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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