Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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