UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
