In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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