im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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