R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
