billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
