This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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