I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
