i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
