how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
