I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
