oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize