Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
