every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
