One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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