Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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