i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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