I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
