4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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