Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
