Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
