Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
