ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I cut my penus on the lid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
