I am puke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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