"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
