What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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