plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
