Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
