listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
