I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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